you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
