He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
