I'm really into asian looking animals
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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