Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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