someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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