dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize