The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
They took my balls.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
