Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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