Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
