I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
