we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Every concussion has its silver lining
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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