exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
