Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i think im in europe. pls send help
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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