I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
