need another drink. this is the easiest way
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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