You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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