I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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