Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize