Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
