i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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