You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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