dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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