he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You need a sexual gate keeper
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
