Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
