wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
