am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
