they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
