yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
