Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
