The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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