Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
