Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
