You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
