is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
