Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
