Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
