And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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