my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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