she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize