i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
