It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
