she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You ruined the universe
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
