i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
