I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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