Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
