I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
soo... how was my night?
how does that bad decision feel?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
