Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
