Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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