I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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