party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just cropdusted the office
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
