1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am naked and annoyed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
