So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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