Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize