Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
