I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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