apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
