she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
