Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize