you didnt know i had herpes?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
