it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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