i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
