I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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