I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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