curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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