i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
