thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
