The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
