My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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