Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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