I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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