I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
